Panic in DC!


Washington update from correspondent Ford Wenty

(Georgetown) A mysterious ad appeared on the Washington DC page of Craigslist this past weekend on the heels of Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement announcement. From the jobs posting on the page this somewhat cryptic ad was spotted and then spread like wildfire on social media:

Do you enjoy fine dining in the DC Metro area’s top establishments? Familiar with Kosher dietary orders? Are you in over your head and desperate to do anything to help your family?

Well we may have just the gig for you! We need a full team of food and beverage testers for a high profile member of Washington DC’s legal community. Equal Opportunity Employer, Jewish preferred but not required, flexible hours, meals provided, excellent death benefits.

Call Sol K. at 202-555-5555

This reporter has yet to confirm, but has good reason to suspect that Sol K. is in fact Solomon Kukoldski, a spokesperson for the clerking staff of Justice Ruth Bader-Ginsberg. Reached for comment Kukoldski would neither confirm nor refute suggestions that the ad was for Justice Bader-Ginsberg, however he did state that, “there were growing concerns for the safety of all public officials in Washington given the recent incidences of public harassment of Trump administration officials.” He then hastened to add, “Fuck Trump!”

It has been suggested in some quarters that the money behind this ad comes from none other than Ukrainian mink pheromone magnate Igor Ramitinski. Staff at the Ukrainian Embassy in Washington have declined any comment on the subject. No further details are available at this time, but as a contentious confirmation process looms we will be keeping a very close eye on any developments with SCOTUS.

Ford Wenty reporting, 11 July 2018