High Tea with Carlton Milhouse, edition 1

High Tea w Carlton Milhous

Yo! Everybodys out there! This is Carlton Milhouse, your botanist. We need to get H. John Benjamin to do that voice over for us. That would be cool. Arby’s, Archer, Bob’s Burgers and then us in perfect alphabetical order. 

Ok, so they’re like tellin’ me this is supposed to be like a weekly feature now, okay, but anyway if anybody is interested this is in fact the first edition of HIGH TEA , with me, Carlton Milhouse. Your botanist. In case you forgot that. This feature will post at 4PM Eastern US Standard time on Sundays. Makes it easy; only one day of the week you need to remember. That actually includes today, which is kinda fuckin’ weird……

So it’s like I just found out about this myself only this morning, you know. Like no pressure or anything, right? Ya got a few hours, yeah….I’m sure it’ll be fine. Here we go! I am celebrating High Tea this week at the hour of 4:20 with that lovely piece on my mantle, a fine vessel for one’s cuppa chronic. Earl Grey, no lemon and some East KY “Blue” grass. A little “wake and bake” for a cold winter afternoon on the eve of the eve of the new year. That’s like New Years Eve Eve, right. Somethin’ like that.

That will be our theme this week: THE YEAR END 

Now, what I like to do every year, about this time is like on New Years Eve, or New Years Eve Eve is, uh…put together a pair of tables, side by side, representing the categories of SUCK and NOT suck.  Below is an example:


                   SUCK                                                               NOT suck

          Diarrhea on stilts                                 Unsolicited sloppy wet blow jobs

Pinching your junk in a zipper                   The cop pursuing you blows a tire


Those are good examples for each category, things which universally do and do not suck. Okay? So, now what we’re going to do is form a set of tables for the year 2018. These will record items of suckage and non-suckage in their respective columns. I will open the tables with my observations and invite our readers to respond by comment with their own contributions. Next week, among other things that we might be doing, we’ll post the final results to determine: 2018, Suck or Not.


SUCK                                                                                      NOT suck

The national news media                                                Adult Swim


Loud mouthed braggart President                               Loud mouthed braggart President


Washington, DC                                                               successful 4th generation of hybrids

All of these fucking ads!

Facebook                                                                            Bartok the bat leaving as Atty Gen

The passing of Mark E. Smith                                         Business is good

The passing of Aretha Franklin                                      Tax cuts


Okay, well those are my big ones I guess. I’m sure there’s others, but come on! I only had a couple hours warning for this. These are things I can confidently say in my experience of 2018 were sucking and not sucking. Lets hear from our readers and find out next Sunday at 4:20…..

2018: SUCK OR NOT suck


So until then this is Carlton Milhouse, your botanist, saying Stay stoned my friends!