High Tea with Carlton Milhouse

Greetings Comrades! Welcome to 2021! I trust you are all enjoying the glorious liberation? You had better answer yes if you know what’s good for you. ALL HAIL DEAR COMRADE LEADER, CHAIRMAN JO BI DENG!

It has been some time since I have been in touch with the Inn. Despite all of it’s trials and tribulations 2020 was a year that yielded a spectacular harvest. This is fortuitous, as business is currently brisk. So dear readers, though my absence from these pages has been long, I will not bore you with the details of how I spent 2020. You have by this time no doubt heard ample tales of woe from the age of the great pandemic. My tale would add nothing: I just remained busy. Now that Chairman Jo Bi Deng is leading the Great Liberation we must all look forward to brighter days ahead under His Benevolent Guidance.

I, Carlton Milhouse, do also wish to find unity and heal the divide that has torn this nation. In solidarity of spirit with our People’s Republic and the benign vision of Chairman Bi Deng, I do solemnly swear that the grow operations of Milhouse Farms will in 2021 cease all production of indica. We at Milhouse Farms believe that the most responsible thing that we may do for the success of Chairman Bi Deng’s first Five Year Plan is to dedicate our 2021 grow season to 100% sativa strains. As legalization grows all across this nation it is important that we do not again grow complacent to the insidious threat that still lives in our midst. As for other growers we will judge not for whatever course they may take, but at Milhouse Farms we are pledged to introducing just the right amount of paranoia to inspire the vigilance required to guard against the lingering threat of Trumpism. It is our patriotic duty. And it is just the right thing to do.

Of course at Millhouse Farms we have prided ourselves in being on the cutting edge of artisanal marijuana cultivation since 2006. We have always attempted to remain ahead of the curve and to that end we were able to begin with some laboratory prototypes in late summer 2020. By segregating a rogue strain of our proprietary blend Presidential Cheese (cannabis rex), cultivated in soil exclusively from Wuhan province and watered with a .5% adrenochrome solution, we are proud to announce the successful creation of our 2021 sativa: The Chairman’s Choice (sativus rex pupa).

We will be hosting a smokedown premiere event for the first public distribution of The Chairman’s Choice at the 4th Annual Hilltop Groundhog Lasagna Festival, to be held at the Confederate Cemetery on Sullivant Ave. on 2 February. The Festival opening ceremonies are slated for 4:20 AM.

Oh! I am also reminded that this year there is the first ever Groundhog Lasagna Queen Parade, honoring the 2021 title holder Ms. Karen Cox-Zucker of South Eureka.

Ms. Karen Cox-Zucker, 2021 Hilltop Groundhog Lasagna Queen

Okay. That’s all I got for ya sports fans. We’ll be in touch again some time before our Groundhog Day event. Until then, Blaze on Bi Deng!

One thought on “High Tea with Carlton Milhouse

  1. Sin loi, my boy! In the sino-Leninist (Reninist?) spirit of your post, I’m saluting (saruting?) you by getting chinky-eyed, the distinctly oriental Chem Reserve harmonized with the distinctly occidental Guinness Extra Stout. Funny, tomorrow I’ll be assisting on a quarter-assed project on the dispensaries in my area, so I guess we’re in “gleichschaltung”, lol.


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