My fellow Americans and soon to be Americans…. on this the first Sunday of our….you know, the…. the thing…our Glorious Revolution….that all Americans, dead or alive, are disenfranchised. You know I was talking to Dr. Pepper, that’s my sister…er, I mean that’s my wife. I was talking to Dr. Pepper this morning…after we had corn flakes, and I said “Hey, whatever happened to all those cookies you made for those dumb bastard pony soldiers” And then she said it’s Sunday! So I said “well sonofabitch”. I asked Vice Chairman Kameltoe Hairlip what she/they thought because Michelle was busy……
…. so it needs to be something spiritual, but inclusive, because you know it’s not just for good Catholics any more. But there is no denying it: America has had a long tradition of church stuff. That’s why we say God bless America. That’s not just for the christian god, but for all the other ones…I mean you can’t have a country that’s just blessed by one god because that is racist. We are committed to erasing racism, or “de-racing” the whites because they are generally the problem. You know the poor kids are just as smart, but they need our help. And that is what our New America is all about.
A New America needs a new spirituality and we encourage prayer, but we can not risk allowing prayers for evil against the State. Therefore, by executive order, I, Chairman Jo Bi Deng, hereby order that all prayers must be submitted for review by our fact checkers via Facebook. Further, all prayers must be properly addressed with the following conclusion:
WE Pray, in the name of the Father
and the Son…
and the Crusty Spoogerag