Mind the gap

We too were once young and hopeful

Certain of each new year’s promise

of new epics everlasting

Until monotony overtakes

that liberating embrace of mortality

Disappointment of empty inheritance

we give to cushion your fall

with diminished expectations

Because nothing is really epic

Because today we are here

and tomorrow gone

Wait… what? Vol. 47

I may have to go underground for a while. I was greeted this morning by the very disturbing news that my LinkedIn profile was searched this week by the UK ministry of defense. They’re on to me! They must know I’ve found the cure to being British! All they have to do is pull that giant stick out of their arses!




L to R; eunuch, ballbreaker, eunuch, token


Ah, testimony. Lovely word, isn’t it? Testimony: derived from Latin. Another gift from those crafty Romans. Testes, testis, testimony. From the oath taken under Roman law, that is to swear upon one’s manhood. Back in those years before the Romans had co-opted the Hebrew God to their own purposes, there was no “word of God” upon which to stake one’s honor. In any culture; any language; any time in human history, a man compelled to swear an oath at the risk of his jewels has proven to sufficiently incentivize truth telling. With this in mind, I for one, believe that this word ought be treated with a bit more reverence.

What is being offered up today, under the sublime leadership of the only alien being ever seated in the US Congress (pictured below)……


JabbaNadler 1Nadler 2Nadler 3Nadler 4……is not testimony. Not in any legal sense, nor in it’s euphemistic sense as given in the word’s origin. There aren’t enough balls present in that line up to do the word justice. These people, just like the recent parade of disgruntled diplomats at the Adam Schiff show, are the embodiment of what is wrong with Washington. The names and faces have been changed, but the story remains the same. The same condescending, rules for thee – not for me, hypocrisy hustle that swamp rats have heaped upon us for decades now.

Chairman Waddler adjusts himself upon that pillow of excess flesh folded beneath him. It’s a fortunate byproduct of the transformation he has undergone since arriving on this planet. A man who never could find his own ass with both hands now has a valid excuse. Some say that he actually has a pouch somewhere in those folds where he carries a spare gavel. Should this actually exist one shudders at the thought of what else might be found there.

You are witnessing the long playing version of the Caddyshack Presidency. These hearings are like a board meeting of the Bushwood Country Club, where the snobs scheme at how they will rid themselves of the nouveau riche trash, Rodney Dangerfield’s Al Cervic – ironically also a real estate developer. In their universe this is who Trump is. There is a scene from Caddyshack that I consider the most emblematic of the farce we have witnessed for the last three years. The swimming pool scene where the plebian caddies and club staff are permitted a brief opportunity to avail themselves of this amenity.  The look of horror upon the faces of the members is rather like the perpetual scowl of the swamp rat in the full throes of TDS.  And in both instances this fear is not just for the fact that the unwashed have breached their sanctum: it is the fear that once they’ve gone there will be a big, fat turd left floating on the surface.

I for one hope that President Trump leaves them a pipe-plugger of epic proportions. Lord knows we’ve been swimming in their toilet for years.



Character actor

Apps and ads are comingled

ruthlessly intertwined with

their shameless marketing managers

Eloping with Wall Street

because every whore knows

that anything is for sale

Yet who names the price?

Analog man stumbles

through this landscape surreal

Battling against odds improbable

and chafing at the idiocy

of self driving cars and amateur dentistry

All those things you’ll remember

that someone once said

It seemed like a good idea at the time

Those famous last words

of some character actor

whose name you can’t remember

Lost in the credits of films

equally forgotten


Wait… what? Vol. 46

Here is a little logic exercise for you. The next time you hear someone saying that a trade war is the absolute worst policy and that it will be catastrophic for our economy, especially consumers? Well if you are able to then ask those same people what their thoughts are on the numerous shooting wars that our country remains committed to. If you’re not able to ask then do a little homework. Look it up, it isn’t hard to find a record somewhere that indicates their position on this subject. I can tell you that the majority of those same people will staunchly defend our prolonged involvement in our many conflicts. Now as there is no truly demonstrable benefit from these long standing engagements, yet they still defend them, one must conclude that their position on at least one if not both is false.

Too big

The megafrequency drones

Sonic tapestry conducts the hive

They believe only the truths they are told

Incurious and distracted

No proofs required

The chosen have ordained

You, the unwitting tools

support their construct

they hand you shovels, now dig

Every sentient being stamped

marked in DNA

To be humbled by the universe

it’s enormity so shaming

All life spent in proving

that we’re bigger than we are

Convinced that we’re too big to fail

Our true failing is this belief