“Welcome to Hell, Mr. Smith. We’ll need to complete your IAED before we can begin.”

“My IA-fucking what?”

“Oh, I’m sorry! You’re not familiar with our anagrams yet, I should have realized. It’s your Initial Application for Eternal Damnation, I – A – E – D for short.”

“Well, okay, I guess. What is it, like a profile page or something?”

“Umm, not exactly. There are actually two parts. The first is an oral interview. There are no correct/incorrect answers on this part; it is simply intended to help a sort of, er..how shall we say? A psychological profile, I guess should be the best way to describe it. Shall we begin?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No. You do not.”

“Alright then. Go.”

“Splendid! We shall begin with the following question: What does the legal principle of innocent until proven guilty mean to you?”

“It means that if you are smart enough to commit a crime that leaves no evidence to convict you of said crime, there is always a chance to get away with it. This means that there are no innocents. There are only the dishonest and the lucky.”

“Alright, Mr. Smith. I believe we’re done here.”

“What? That’s it?”

“Oh yes, Mr. Smith. You nailed it! Welcome aboard!”