My endorsement for the honest politician

In the ugly and crowded field of 2020 presidential contenders the most monumental task is in deciding which of these to despise the most.  We have entered the phase where the pretenders, the Quixotic warriors, have begun to exit the field. Some go in shame, while others depart as they entered: completely unnoticed. Politics is an ugly business. It attracts the worst among us and it brings out the worst in us. In presidential election years this is magnified ten-if-not-twenty fold.

I make observations and often share my criticisms. One would scour my catalogue long and hard to find an occasion where I have lavished praise upon any candidate. The search would be fruitless. While I may favor the positions taken by one side or another on a case by case basis, I have no affiliation with either of the two primary parties. I firmly believe that political parties are inherently evil, and yes, some more evil than others. In the few too many decades I have spent on this planet, there has yet to be a politician who has provided me with a suitable explanation of why the fuck I require governing.

I have recently stumbled upon an obscure, independent presidential candidate. He is a completely self-absorbed narcissist, completely void of principle or core conviction. He would lie, cheat and steal, even pimp his own mother to win an election. Indeed, a misanthrope of monumental magnitude; a man who, were he in possession of any scruples, they would most certainly belong to someone else. These are all top calibre qualities for anyone to succeed in politics, yet sadly few will ever even hear of this man. Despite the gift of all these stellar qualities this man has one fatal shortcoming: he is honest.

An honest politician? Preposterous you say? Well, what follows here is the candidate’s own press release to announce his campaign:

This is to announce the candidacy for the president of the United States of Mr. Ralph Nota. Mr. Nota is running under the banner of the Go Fuck Yourself Party. Here is, in his own words, the campaign manifesto

” Hi, I’m Ralph Nota and I’m running for president. I’m here to bathe in your fawning adulation. I won’t ask how any of you are doing because, well… I really don’t give a shit. Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m part of a mob who’s looking to throw out the current mob. Things aren’t gonna be one bit different for you, you’re not important. What is important is that my mob gets control so we can take care of ourselves and put the other mob in jail. Or kill ’em, whichever is easier to clean up. So we’re gonna need your money and your vote because you just can’t vote for that other guy. He’s terrible, right? Come on! Don’t you listen to the news? A vote for Ralph Nota assures that for the next four years I will wipe my ass daily with the US Constitution and pretend that all you motherfuckers don’t even exist. My economic plan is to cash in early and often. All you motherfuckers are on your own, except for the crumbs we’ll allow you to keep. We’ll do just enough to keep you on that government teat so you won’t wander off of the plantation. We’ll pass more laws for you to obey and for us to break with impunity. Then we’ll come back here in four years and do it all again. We’ll have some new bogeyman or shiny object to distract your attention from any substantive matters, and you will thank us for it. Because you’re all dumbasses and I’m better than you are. That’s why I should be president. Fuck you all and thanks for your support.”

 

There it is folks. This guy doesn’t have a prayer, but hell! At least he’s honest.

 

The Rise of the Bootysnatcher

InkedFord Wenty profile image_LI

A report from Ale 81 Inn field correspondent, Ford Wenty

Strange days in Iowa.  Iowa, at least in my experience, has always been a bit odd. Let’s face the facts, unappealing as they may be. Minneapolis-St.Paul can not possibly contain all of the lunatic fringe in the Upper Midwest. Even with Madison, WI the region is still in dire need of an habitat for this endangered breed. What better than the nothingness of their buck-toothed cousin to the south, home of the Harkin democrat.

 

In a statement released late Monday night, an Iowa Democratic Party spokesman said:

“We found inconsistencies in the reporting of three sets of results. In addition to the tech systems being used to tabulate results, we are also using photos of results and a paper trail to validate that all results match and ensure that we have confidence and accuracy in the numbers we report. This is simply a reporting issue, the app did not go down and this is not a hack or an intrusion. The underlying data and paper trail is sound and will simply take time to further report the results.”

 

Well alrighty then! Not a very satisfactory state of affairs. They have only had, what, four years to get ready for this thing? One almost has to feel bad for this spokesperson. Almost. I get it, things are going sideways and all of the sudden you are the guy that they decide to throw to the wolves; to nudge out upon the stage with a story. Because some story has to be told. Even if it isn’t a very good one. It’s your story and come hell or high water, you’re sticking to it.

I would ask that you, the reader, please keep the following in mind as you follow this story. With an accuracy greater than the completion percentage of most NFL quarterbacks, it can be assumed that any official spokesperson of the democrat party is lying. It becomes mostly just a question of degree. It may be a minor obfuscation or omission, a slight shading of the truth; or they may just be flat out lying their ass off. Whichever case may apply in this instance we do not yet know for certain, but rest assured this story will change in the days ahead.

There has been some talk about a defective app, a specially designed political tabulation app produced by? Democrats! Some of Hillary’s people involved somehow and, directly or indirectly, Mayor Buttplug is an investor in this group? And Biden? Maybe, maybe not, and what does any of it mean? It’s quite possible all of this is just so much noise. After a couple of days the chatter and the dust will settle and we’ll be worried about New Hampshire. Or maybe there is more “there” there. Until all of the details get rooted out, corroborated or refuted, we can only rely upon this time honored question to point us to the truth: qui bene?

I wonder…. they were awful quick to include mention of (by denying any occurred) the prospect of a breach or hack. Just like during the democratic convention in 2016, when they just happened to have that fellow from Crowdstrike at hand to explain that DNC hack. Remember? I sure do. Do your own homework kids. There is plenty of video.

So what could really have been going on? Well, I wonder if it had anything to do with this, from Judicial Watch:

 

(Washington, DC) – Judicial Watch announced that eight Iowa counties have more voter registrations than their eligible voting-age population. According to Judicial Watch’s analysis of data released by the U.S. Election Assistance Commission (EAC) in 2019 and the most recent U.S. Census Bureau’s five-year American Community Survey, eight Iowa counties are on the list of 378 counties nationwide that have more voter registrations than citizens living there who are old enough to vote, i.e., counties where registration rates exceed 100%. These 378 counties combined had about 2.5 million registrations over the 100%-registered mark. In Iowa, there are at least 18,658 “extra names” on the voting rolls in the eight counties at issue.

The chart below details the eight Iowa counties’ registration rate percentages:

Reg Rate Total Population
Dallas County 114.8 80,864
Johnson County 107.9 144,425
Lyon County 102.5 11,745
Madison County 102.5 15,720
Poweshiek County 102.1 18,428
Dickinson County 100.9 17,000
Scott County 100.8 171,493
Warren County 100.5 48,630

In addition to the eight listed above, Polk County, Iowa’s largest, has an unusually high registration rate of 95.9% of total eligible citizen voting-age population.

 

What might the one have to do with the other? Qui Bene? Let’s say that you’ve somehow managed to “bank” an extra 20,000 ballots. In a tight race 20,000 ballots can make the difference. Especially in a widely divided field. In order to make that plan go smoothly the beneficiary would need to be in on the game. So which of this field would the DNC most like to win the race. Qui Bene? If you think the answer is Joe Biden you would be sorely mistaken. Bernie? Liz? Meh! Not so much. Surely not Mayor Buttplug!? Again, no.

Who is conspicuously absent from this field? Michael Bloomberg. Qui Bene? Doubt me? Look at the spin that the network shills at the Ministries of Propaganda will paint upon this canvas in the week leading up to the New Hampshire primary and then tell me I’m wrong.

This level of incompetence is not a naturally occurring event, even for democrat activists. This is the kind of stupid that does not occur without some planning. This is a smoke screen, or perhaps better stated, a woke screen. Breath there any among us who believe that the Iowa Democrat Party operates as a fully autonomous entity? Or do they take their marching orders from the national committee, the DNC? Just ask the Bernie supporters. They know the truth of this by their own experience.

Bloomberg is the DNC choice. He adheres to a maxim long respected among the democrat donor class: that you win elections the old fashioned way. You buy them. Since Mini Mike was too late to the dance he could not risk a poor showing in Iowa. So? Don’t show at all and be insulated from it.  I suspect that the truth that democrat operatives in the state of Iowa have known for some time, is that Bernie Sanders was trending to be the clear winner from the field. The DNC is not going to have any of that. There is too much real money at stake.

Not finding enough “blank ballots” in their bank to effectively blunt Sanders’ performance, the subsequent fiasco is designed to delay, obfuscate and de-legitimize the entire caucus. As they begin to shape their narrative it will be molded to show a strong performance from Sanders, but not a clear win. Hence we see the emerging numbers to indicate that Mayor Buttplug is on top with Bernie running a close second. That is with 60 some percent of the votes counted. A la Rick Santorum in 2012, some weeks later after New Hampshire has already been decided, the revised count will show what they can no longer hide: Bernie came out on top.

The DNC got away with this in 2016 and apparently think they can do it again, but they must be concerned. Otherwise, why bestow the legitimacy upon Buttplug? Could it be that they are aware that they risk completely alienating the Bernie wing of their party? They have fronted themselves with blacks, women, and they have tried with Hispanics and even those only suspected of being Hispanics; yet all to no avail. They’ve not yet tried serving up the gay slice of the woke pie. Until now. We just got our first serving.

Mayor Buttplug is sufficiently woke to balance the smart money Bloomberg ticket. He is being groomed for a VP berth on the Bloomberg train, an insurance to carry enough of the woke wing of the party across the finish line. So…where does it go from here?

Joe Biden is still hanging out at the Y in Cedar Rapids, scaring Middle School kids with his leg hair. Senator Warren is scheduling another appointment with the John Kerry speech coach to learn how to properly ask, when in flyover country, ” Can I get me a _____”. Beer, huntin’ license, pair o’ bowlin’ shoes……insert the credulous rube meme of your choice here. Bernie is off to beg for more cash wherever he can find it and Mayor Buttplug?

He was last seen driving east on I-80 with a trunkload of Bloomberg campaign cash. He and his sweetie will stop for a quickie at the Motel 6 on 933 North in South Bend. They’ll share a cheap bottle of gas station Spumante and some Snickers bars before riding down to an empty lot on Sample Street, where they will bury the trunk full of dirty money for a rainy day. Then it’s on to New Hampshire, where no doubt they will be feted and ceaselessly fawned over by a suddenly adoring media. The DNC is betting that they can make this Bernie’s last stand. I would bet that they are wrong. These are a people so tone deaf they can not even recognize the roar of the monster they themselves created.

 

Fauxcahontas

pretendian

There are so many things to dislike about this woman. It is truly a challenge to figure out where to begin. I could recite the laundry list of concerns, but there is one set of facts that do a pretty damned good job of encapsulating them all. It is something which cuts directly to the issue of her character as a person. As one might infer from the title of this article, I am of course referring to her now infamous assertion of Cherokee ancestry.

Though I have some rather strong opinions to the contrary, it is a generally held consensus that Harvard is a top notch institute of higher learning. If we are to base this on nothing more than a dollar equation then the idea has at least some credence. Otherwise how does one account for the exorbitant price tag attached to obtaining the pedigree? One could attend four years at Harvard and learn nothing, but for the right price they will bestow a piece of paper that says you have arrived: you are now among the elites.

Sometimes the value of that paper commands a price over and above money. In Elizabeth Warren’s case that price was high indeed. So desperate was she to obtain that pedigree, she willingly sacrificed any shred of integrity she ever possessed by an absurd attempt at cultural appropriation. Back then this was not the mortal sin that it is today, but let’s be completely clear that there is a huge distinction to be made. We are not talking about something petty. You know, like exploiting another race’s identity in your choice of Halloween costumes. What Lizzy pulled, without even the aid of a costume, was an assertion of racial identity (for which she had NO legitimate claim) for the sole purpose of obtaining preferred treatment in entry to an esteemed university. In one of the most bizarre manifestations of affirmative action Harvard actually cosigned this ruse.

So what we should question is this: was her motivation rooted in some insecurities surrounding her qualification that needed that additional edge? Or was it all just about that ancestor of virtue signalling, social posing? These are the only reasonable conclusions that one might draw from this and whether one or the other, neither are desirable traits in leadership. I’ve always had a sense that I had seen this kind of play somewhere before. And then I remembered this:

Go ahead and watch that and try to tell me with a straight face that the two are not the same.

Joe, we hardly knew you

GotGreen

Disclaimer:  the following is not editorial sponsored by the Ale 81 Inn. It is an independent consultation provided to the Biden 2020 Campaign by our field correspondent, Mr. Ford Wenty


 

Good day America. I am Ford Wenty and today I would like to address you not as the humble field correspondent of the Ale 81 Inn. As you can see above they’ve already thrown me under the bus. That’s fine. I get it. It’s just business. No, today I address all of you, but I address the Biden campaign specifically. Not as correspondent, not as news. Today I will do what the fraudcast networks do: I will act as a political consultant. The difference of course being that I bother to make the distinction.

Alright, let’s get right down to it, shall we? Joe….ah! Where do I start. Your campaign is a living, breathing dumpster fire. It’s ugly. Not Michael Dukakis kind of ugly. No, this is something more akin to watching a troupe of dwarfs with diarrhea performing a waltz on stilts. It’s bad Joe, there’s no sugar coating it, okay?

Since we’re only speaking in the frankest of terms I have a few things I want to make clear to you and to America at large. First of all, in the annals of congressional history you will always rank as the most beloved dumbass. You have been the consummate politician: you’ve never held a real job, you’ll say anything and often at the wrong time. Your favorite sandwich is known to all: your own size twelve shoe, uncooked with just a dash of contrition.  You’ve had us all fooled that you’re that old style Irish Catholic. Turns out Father Morey disagrees. Joe you embody all of the stale, moribund rot that your party has served for the past fifty years. In any other set of circumstances you would be the PERFECT nominee. Just the kind of poodle that a globalist establishment could love. But I’ll tell you what, Kemo Sabe. Some of the most successful species on this planet eat their own. The DNC is no exception.

Hell, we’ve all known for years that you were that creepy, touchy kind of guy. As long as you were a useful tool that was just O-Kay. They’ve already trotted that one out on you Joe. You’ve handled it deftly, but you think they are going to let it go? We know the donor class got their money behind you early because out of a field of twenty lunatics you were, if not a safe bet, the only thing close to it. But now you’re toxic, Joe. You and that brat kid of yours. They won’t throw you under the bus for any of that Ukraine or China business. They don’t want anybody looking any closer at that. No, they’ll choose from a host of other things with which to sink you. Lord knows you’ve given them a wealth of material.

So here is how it all shakes out, old Joe. You only have two options left. You can hang it up and slither back to Scranton, lick your wounds and try to forget, or….

It’s the fourth quarter Joe. There are no time outs, you’re 75 yards from the end zone, time is running out. Close your eyes Joe. Imagine you are Aaron Rogers, heaving that miraculous hail mary touchdown pass. It’s come to that Joe. You let AOC and her tribe throw in with Crazy Bernie. Let them go on about the Green New Deal. You can blow it away with your own New GREEN Deal: Biden 2020 for National Marijuana Legalization. It’s really the only play you have left Joe. You have my permission to use the image above to help launch the campaign. And if you need other assistance, please do not hesitate to call someone else.

 

 

 

 

The Team

a poem from Ale 81 Inn field correspondent, Ford Wenty

 

She don’t look like Pocahontas

Her ego blots out the Sun

She well and truly wants us

to believe that she’s the one

The crazy one, Larry David’s foil

running out of things to promise

Raise the cry, no blood for oil

I guess we’ll all be eating hummus

Then there’s skater-boy (don’t get me started)

that emasculated male

Took the stage and only farted

Watch his polling numbers sail

And Kamala, well she’s Kamala

Get it done without a hitch

She’ll deliver Shangri-La

She’s Willie’s little bitch

But they’ll all feel the wrath of CONG

the guy with blood in his eye

They say he just does not belong

that Creepy Old Neighbor Guy

Yes old dogs can learn new tricks

Theres a new slogan to be seen

The failing campaign has found a fix

Brother, can you spare some green?